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Checking in - on a wait for a better day

I wanted to make it past that „one month in” blogger block, when a lot of people tend to stop, and you get really self-conscious about the content you’re putting out. But life happened, my medication seems to have a weaker effect on me every day, I have bad mood swings - threw the Easter ham from the kitchen down to the living room, as I got mad at my father getting all the wrong things from the grocery store, cause you know, I’m crazy. I don’t wash myself for days, unless I’m going out or my boyfriend comes over. At least I still fear the idea of other people finding me disgusting (why am I writing this post). I sometimes stay up at night to get high on my sleeping pills. This is the only way for me to actually do what I need to do. It makes me a superhuman. I don’t feel pain, I don’t feel hunger, I lose track of time, and gain a lot of energy, but I’m also not capable of thinking, I can only do robotic tasks. I’m aimlessly functioning, doing what people expect me to do. I don’t fee…

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